Now I've Held Him...

And don't really have the words as I look into his eyes, trying my hardest to understand what he wants but realizing the thing that he wants the most is love. Love is something that I can and will give over and over again as I raise Isaiah. If love is the defining statement of Christianity, then love is also the defining statement of the way that I will parent. I cannot parent without the help of my God, the king over all, but I can parent the way that my dad and my heavenly father parented...With love always on the forefront. In discipline, in hard issues, in good stuff. Love covers all.

So here I am holding Isaiah and looking into his eyes and I cannot believe the gift that God has given me. It is a phenomenal gift and process that God has given parents and children alike. I know that at this point, Isaiah is really cute and cuddly but I also know that he will be a teenager someday. God, begin to shape and mold my heart to have wisdom in the tough times. Let me be the dad that I know you want me to be.

My wife is doing well. I couldn't do what she had to go through the last several days. Unbelievable. If the woman had the first child and it rotated after that between her and the man, there would only be 3 children in each family...This just confirms to me that men and women are created VERY differently. :)

God, let me serve you as a son as a father this young child in your ways, and as I lead my family in a way that is godly, Christlike, and honoring to you and the way that you created me! THANK YOU, for your blessings, your discipline and your love! It's in your name...

As I wait.

I sit here at 3 in the morning on Saturday at Wesley Hospital waiting for my wife to go into full blown labor. We ended up here at midnight after she experienced some heavy contractions.

I feel fairly inadaquate to be a father but I also know that it is a great privilege to be a part of that amazing process. God has given me a special gift by giving me Cassie and a process that has been remarkably normal. Last year, as we experienced pain in loss, we knew that God had a perfect plan in the works. We knew that he knew what he was doing and we knew that we had to trust him completely. It is amazing to see just how things work out the way that God intends and not the way that I intend them to work out. He has given me so many blessings, such an amazing wife, a great job, wonderful co-laborors in the gospel. It is a joy to be in the right place at the right time with the right God in charge. I am so thankful.

I haven't held my child in my hands. I will...soon. But I know that my earthly father has given me a model to father by and my heavenly father has given me a great example of what it means to lead my family in a way that is biblical and profound.

Thank you, my God the King. I will praise your name forever and ever...Every day I will praise you...I will extol your name forever and ever!

Indictments

It is so easy for me to indict the church. It is easy to sit in my chair and make comments that point out the flaws in a flawed church. I realized this week that I am pointing out the flaws in a church that I am a part of and that I make up. I cannot say that this is not my fault or that those flaws don't reflect who I am because in reality, they do. We are simply a body of people who seek to follow a risen savior that loves and cares for us. We follow him by loving others and obeying him but failing often in both.

I believe it is only when we stop pointing fingers at each other and blaming each other for things that happen within the body of Christ that we truly can move as one unit. This doesn't mean that we don't confront, it simply means that we take a deep look at ourselves and how we interact with the body of Christ before we begin pointing out how others interact with the body of Christ.

Jesus never told someone that they were too bad to become part of his body. He never told them that they were too messy. He just said "come, all you who are weary" and they came. It is easy for me to think that people need to be cleaned up and put together when they come to the body of Christ, when in reality we see a picture of Christ's body on the cross as broken, hurt, pained, messy, bloody. Even after Christ is raised from the dead and redeemed from that messiness we still experience and see those scars. If we are the body of Christ and we don't recognize our own messiness before we point out others, Jesus talks directly to us as he talks to the pharisees and saducees throughout the new Testament.

Father, let me be a man that desperately wants to be broken before you. Let me serve you wholeheartedly with a mind that is steadfast in your ways with a heart that follows you unswervingly. God let me be a man that embraces messiness and sees people the way that you see people in the broken body of Christ. Help me to see me as broken. in Jesus name...

New Kind Of Church?

Sometimes, I think that the church that we call the body of Christ today wears a large mask. We wear individual masks that hide was is truly going on in our lives and therefore we become a fake, non responsive entity in the body of Christ. I have been asking the question, "Why is it like this?" I believe there are two reasons.

1. Our American culture perpetuates that this is the way that we should behave everywhere. We need to be strong. We need to have our act together. We need to make sure that other people know those things about us. If they don't know those things about us we are viewed as weak, annoying, irritating, a nuisance, a menace to society. This view that is perpetuated makes for an interesting view in the church where Jesus calls for authenticity and openness. When Paul asks believers to share with each other the sins of the family, he isn't asking for masks. He is asking for an honest reflection of the choices that were made. When we share with each other we help each other understand what it means to come back into relationship with God. If we are all wearing masks, it is impossible to come back into relationship with anyone. In Genesis 1, we find that God created us in his image and part of that image is a relational image. God the Father, Jesus the Son, and the Holy Spirit were all present at creation and so we find a relational God creating relational people. Wow. How I have distorted the image of God by becoming a separate entity because it is comfortable...

2. The second reason that we are not open is because it isn't safe to be open. In our churches today, we will always SAY that it is safe to be open but as soon as someone opens their mouth, we find that it is not safe. Backstabbing, gossip, and hurting others takes place when someone talks about a problem that they are encountering or facing. People see that this happens and are reluctant to open their mouths because they have seen the consequences. We breed a sense of distrust and apathy towards the real issues that people face. Can the church today recover from this mutilation of the body of Christ? I believe that it will be a long and slow process towards authenticity and honesty but if we truly say that we are the body of Christ, we must take steps in that direction. We cannot be hesitant.


The church today is at a crossroads. Are we a church that wants to continue to build Christ followers that are mechanized or do we want to dive deep into the pain, ugliness, messiness of relationships so that we can truly disciple? Are we willing to evaluate the programs that we hold so dear to say that they are not working so that we can truly be the body of Christ?

Most of this indicts the church today. But really, most of it indicts me. I am part of the body of Christ and I must take responsibility for some of those actions.

God grant me wisdom. Help us learn authenticity in the presence of your body. Let us show our ugliness so that we can move more towards looking like your bride.